THE NAKED TRUTH
I would relive the vision of Hannah’s face and the pain I felt as I watched the wickedness of sexual immorality unfold before my very own eyes. I felt guilty for asking her to be involved in this malicious act. How could I ever take away her pain that I felt responsible for causing her? I now know the one man who could free her from her prison. His name is Jesus, and his blood was shed on the cross to cover all of our sins. The sins of yesterday, today, and tomorrow are forgiven by God. All we have to do is ask, believe, and receive.
I could see her face as she laid there while Jacob was having sex with her. I fondled her body in a way that only a man should do to a woman. I could tell that she did not want to be there. I believed she hoped that the weed was making her do it and perhaps for her it did. I, on the other hand, I knew what I was involving her in. The highest high never made me do anything I did not want to do.
I knew a lot of people that would use alcohol and drugs as an excuse for their actions when most of them wanted to engage in those shameful acts. Why not blame it on the poisons? That would be the easy way out. As we took turns with Jacob, my feelings began to change. I suddenly felt fear, jealousy, and envy. But who was I jealous of? Was I jealous of Jacob being with her or with Hannah being with him?
I just shared an excerpt taken from my book, “My First Love. True Love Begins In Him.” This story depicted just one of the scenes in my life demonstrating the effects of sexual immorality. Any form of sexual immorality whether it be adultery, fornication, molestation, rape, homosexuality…and the list goes on, opens the doors to some behaviors that can be very difficult to be freed from. I know this all too well because I have experienced them first hand. Hannah was my best friend and Jacob was my boyfriend at that time. It was months after that day that I would come to find myself pregnant by him. But that’s another blog so…STAY TUNED!!!
I can’t pin point any particular sexual sin that lead me into the acts of ménage à trois. I just remember that another friend asked me to join her and a man and I later did the same thing . But I truly believe it was a combination of several if not all of the sexual acts I experienced in life by that age. All that I had experienced sexually led me to start looking at my friend Hannah and desiring her in a way that only a man should desire a woman.
I share that story because I wanted to address LGBT, which many of us know stands for: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender. By no means am I well versed nor fully knowledgeable of being a lesbian, gay, or bisexual. I’m just here to share my experience and to state that I understand why some may identify themselves as one of these. So I am asking up front, “This is my waiver” if I miss-word anything regarding the LGBT, please forgive me. I just know how some sexual behaviors have affected me.
There is a very beautiful and kind woman that I know who is a lesbian and is actually married (as this world has accepted it) to a lesbian. I see her very often and we have a pretty good relationship, and No not an intimate or sexual one, I am free thank You God. I truly respect her as a person. I’ve had the opportunity to sit and speak with her one-on-one on several occasions one of which I, of course, witnessed to her. I asked her if she preferred women only and if so, Why? She shared with me that when she was very young she started to realize the feelings she had towards the same sex. She said she tried to fight it as much as she could but she couldn’t. She told me that she even tried dating one of her best friends, a man that truly loved and cared for her. She really wanted to share the same feelings he had for her but she felt nothing other than friendship. She said she felt bad and had to tell him. She told me, “I knew then that I only liked women.” She didn’t know how to fight those feelings so she accepted them and received them to be the truth of who she believed she was, born a lesbian. She shared this discovery and acceptance to her father who is a Christian. As her father she believed he would love her, respect her, and most importantly support her with this discovery but unfortunately her father did the opposite. Instead he judged her, yelled at her, and sadly he beat her. As I am typing these words now I feel deep compassion for her. WOW, I’m actually getting teary eyed now.
After sharing how her father reacted my heart cried out for her. This was my opportunity, and God so graciously provided the timing to open our hearts. I told her something along these lines, “I don’t know your father and I will not judge him. I know there are Christians that have a difficult time displaying love when they see people living in a lifestyle that God does not want them to live in. I know at times I have been very judgmental and may at times still judge because I still need to grow in some areas. However I do know one thing, God loves you. Now God says in the bible that the two people of the same sex should not be joined together. Marriage by God’s definition is when a man and woman are joined together. God doesn’t like what you’re doing and I don’t like it nor agree with it. But one thing is certain, although God doesn’t like some of the things we do, say, or think, because He definitely doesn’t like some things that I still do, God loves us. God’s love doesn’t react or behave the way your father did. I believe your father was afraid and probably even disappointed and didn’t know how to respond. But please do not judge all Christians as being unkind, unloving, or judgmental. Because just like those that are not Christians we all have some growing to do in our lives.” Now those words may not have been what I said verbatim but the key point that I explained to her was that the Love of God is so powerful and so perfect that He loves her although he hates what she is doing and God wants us to love the person. That doesn’t mean agree, entertain, support, or compromise in the sin. Absolutely NOT! I still to this day refuse to refer to her partner as her wife because in God’s eyes she’s not and they are not married. It’s that simple. However I love her, I respect her, I treat her kindly, and I pray for her and the other woman a lot. After that day I found that a friend of mine who is also a believer, spoke with her as well. Come to find out, she had been raped by men when she was young. I believe what she went through greatly influenced the reason why she is a lesbian to this day. But I am still praying and believing that God will open her eyes and change her heart.
On the other hand I have behaved on the “flip side” of loving. There is particular man I come face to face with on a routine basis. I recall this one particular day when I saw that his fingernails were painted in a bright cherry red color. Of course, for those who know me, I tend to ask a lot of questions. So I asked him if his daughters painted his nails while complimenting him on the color. He goes to answer the question but I couldn’t understand what he was saying because he has an accent. So I asked him again, “Did your girls paint your nails? My daughters painted my husband’s toe nails one day. They were just playing and he let them. Were you and your girls playing too?” He responds, “No they did not. The lady at the shop did it.” Now I’m looking at him, then down at his nails, then back up at him again. I then noticed that his eyebrows had been waxed too. I had no idea what my face was saying but my head was like, “Whaaaat tha whaaaat???!!!!” That was just the beginning.
A few days later he came in wearing a wig and makeup. Now sister Holy Ghost, anointed, saved, and appointed by God (that’s me for those who are wondering) was getting extremely irritated by the foolishness. But no…no, no, no that was not the end of it. This brother, dressing up like a very unattractive woman I must add, started using the women’s public bathroom and once while I was in it! Oh Lawd help me! I can see myself doing the Karate Kid crane stance in the spirit! At this point I was furious! I started being short with him, ignoring him, judging him, and talking about how ugly he looked. Hey if you’re gonna dress up like a woman, look like a nice woman, what woman wears a little girls raggedy bow in a cheap wig!? Your makeup is sloppy and those sandals you came in here with….seriously??!!! Now you see…..how easily my heart went from compassion, love, and understanding as it was with the woman, to a judgmental, critical, mean, irritable, and a hardened heart? I realized I was behaving in a manner that did not honor God but I was struggling! How dare you dress up and pretend to be something God never created you to be? How dare you violate my privacy by coming into a public bathroom for the opposite sex, you perv…? Needless to say, I prayed often. I repented and asked God for forgiveness. I asked Him to use me as a vessel of truth and love towards him because like the woman, this man has a story as well it just manifested itself in a different way. To this day I treat him with kindness and love. It’s only by the grace and love that God demonstrates to us.
I understand some of the struggles of being a Christian and true follower of Christ while living in a very dark world. We all see things that God does not like, hates in fact but it all boils down to this question? Are we truly demonstrating the love of God in our walk? I have learned and still struggle from time to time, for example in the story of the man dressing like a woman, that I can still love the person while at the same time hate what they are doing. I don’t have to mistreat or be judgmental towards others but at the same time not compromise and stand for my beliefs.
God clearly commands us in Romans 12:9 Amplified Bible (AMP) “Love is to be sincere and active [the real thing—without guile and hypocrisy]. Hate what is evil [detest all ungodliness, do not tolerate wickedness]; hold on tightly to what is good.”
We can still stand and adhere to our beliefs as Christians without behaving like the devil to do it. If we truly think back and quite honestly think about where we are at in this present time, we all are in a process. We all have some area that we struggle with that we and most importantly, God doesn’t like. But it doesn’t change His love for us and the truth that He will never give up on us. He wants us to walk in what He has destined and purposed for us to be and guess what? It begins with our love walk. I close by stating that I in no way am judging you for struggling. Because I, like you, have and still struggle from time to time. Just be encouraged that God understands this as well. This is not a time to condemn or beat yourself up. So let’s pull up our bootstraps and move forth! We’ve got work to do!!!
“Father thank You for loving us unconditionally. Thank you for saving us when some of us didn’t realize we needed saving. You are forever merciful and compassionate towards us. Father we ask that you help us demonstrate Your love to this lost world. Help us not to be judgmental, critical and mean while continuing to stand on Your word without compromising. Help us to be merciful and compassionate towards others. If we have not demonstrated Your nature please expose those times to us and forgive us Lord. Father we lift up this world to You. We pray for every lost soul that they would find, receive, and walk in the truth of who you say they are. Heal the brokenhearted Father and make them whole and complete again in You. We thank you God for giving us wisdom and showing us how to use Your wisdom in every situation of our lives. Thank You Father for being the Truth and revealing the Truth to us. Thank You God for… The Naked Truth.